The space before
There is space, a position, a mindset before making a choice. Just as we are not our thoughts but the consciousness observing thoughts.
In this space we aren’t uncertain about the future. We aren’t anxious about failure. We have yet to choose so we aren’t on a particular side of some conflict. The space before is the neutral position.
Whenever we are presented with a question, either from another individual, a group, or life itself challenges us, in the moment before we choose we are neutral.
What is also true about the space before is that in the neutral position we could potentially make any choice. In the moment before we choose we are like Schrödinger’s cat, in that from the outside one could claim us to be in any potential mindset.
For example, say someone asks me if I like coffee. They ask the question because they don’t know. While I’m considering my answer I’m in a neutral position from the questioner’s perspective.
I could respond positively: “I love coffee! Coffee is life! Do you have any!?!?!?????”
I could respond negatively: “coffee is the most disgusting beverage ever invented by human beings! Bleh!”
These are examples of extreme positive and negative, and there are a countless number of variations that are less extreme but still fall under yes or no as responses.
However there is another response that would be neither yes or no, and that response is “I don’t know.”
“I don’t know” is the neutral position. It’s the statement we make before deciding. That is when we are in the space before, but it’s not the only one.
“Let me think about it” is another.
What if I chose not to answer? Is the person making the inquiry entitled to an answer? If I chose not to answer, then I’m still potentially “all answers” until I do. The questioner may be offended by my lack of answer, they may find me rude, but they still don’t know if I like coffee or not.
We are allowed to be neutral we are allowed not to take sides, and we are allowed to choose not to choose.
The space before is the space of mindfulness. The moment when we consider. The neutral position.
The more we explore this space the better we become at recognizing when someone is rushing us to agree with them, and we can ask ourselves what’s the hurry? Is the situation demanding a swift decision, or the person?
The space before is a wonderful space. It’s the space where I am present with myself. It is a space others cannot force me out of anymore. It is the space where toxicity is exposed.
Mindfulness means exercising the ability of comfortably remaining in the neutral position until we choose, or choose not to choose.
Stay Mindful
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