All or nothing
All or Nothing
An absolute snake eating its absolute tail.
All or nothing thinking, polarized, thinking, or as it’s commonly called black-and-white thinking, is a cognitive distortion common among humans. This all or nothing mentality or mindset can be a huge obstacle to overcome. However, overcome it, we must if we are to see the multitude of possibilities that genuinely exist in contrast to this, or that, binary thinking.
Cognitive distortions are errors in thinking, and this particular error in thinking, is favored by people we might label as perfectionists. I would argue that what we call perfectionists are simply a combination of cognitive distortions, and “All or Nothing” thinking is just one of many in the equation, but this is just a theory.
Phrases like “I’m not good enough” or “I’ll never get it right” are born from this binary way of thinking. Never is a permanent negative, and absolute. “Never say never” is a phrase that opens the door to a rabbit hole. A place you’ll find yourself spiraling between two extremes often right or wrong, or who is to blame.
It is an all or nothing thinking mindset that says someone else is fully responsible or at fault.
Shifting perspective is the secret door out of all or nothing thinking. Though, if we’re being honest, it’s not such a secret door.
Perfectionism leads to unrealistic expectations. Perfectionism leads to unhealthy expectations. There is a world of difference between pushing yourself, and punishing yourself.
Tips on overcoming all or nothing thinking.
Create effort based goals
Effort based goals are amazing because you’re not competing with skill but with effort. Effort goals are largely under one’s control regardless of the competition. Aim your perfectionism at your effort. Life is about the journey not the destination. Life happens on the road not at the end of it.
Reevaluate your expectations
give yourself a break, and a chance to really excel at something by lowering your expectations a little.
An example of using both:
If you want to write a book, but feel like it’s impossible for you to write the book perfectly, then commit to writing a little every day at the same time. commit to showing up and before you know it you’ll have a rough draft to edit.
There are quite often other options to discover, and I believe it’s important to be mindful of that.
Stay Mindful
Gritti
