“You’re not poor, you’re broke.”
Just finished watching Chappelle’s latest comedy special THE DREAMER in the hopes that it would help me raise my mood. Mr. Chappelle’s comedy has been a balm for me many times in my life and I am so grateful for him and his voice in our tribe!
While watching it I recalled a quote from another Chappelle special that really resonated with me: "You're not poor. That's a mentality. You are broke." These words struck a deep chord within me because, like Dave, I have often found myself hating the feeling of being a step away from homelessness for most of my life. It's as if I'm trapped on the edge. I have failed to change my circumstances so far. Hope is a light within me that I now know will never go out while I’m alive, but sometimes I almost wish it would, so I would stop hoping others are going to show up and notice or help. It hurts to keep hoping and I want to shout it out loud too.
I F-ing hate being broke poor whatever, but I know my suffering is not for others to do anything about. It’s for me. So I I’m writing more in 2024. Making video content is fun but my heart hurts too much when nothing comes from them. If I blog and nobody notices it’s easier to bare. This is me not giving up.
Over the years, I have dedicated hundreds of thousands of hours to creating content aimed at helping people develop a healthy mindset and improve their mental health. However, I have hesitated to charge for courses or webinars because it feels disingenuous to me. I firmly believe that people today are not genuinely helped by coaches or therapists; instead, they seek comfort and validation. While there is nothing wrong with seeking comfort, I believe it is important to take the next step and process our emotions so that we can release or accept them.
Unfortunately, my commitment to honesty and genuine growth has left me financially broke. People who know ask me as often as they can for insight, but they don’t value it enough to give back. I cannot buy food or pay rent with a thank you, and while I’m honored, I’m still right now, as I write this, suffering from high anxiety and stress because I haven’t been able to find work that pays a wage I can live on, and only one person paid me for my help last year. I’ve seen other coaches and therapists building communities and having people promote them wholeheartedly. It seems that people are only willing to pay for services that make them feel good about themselves, rather than engaging in the deeper, more challenging work required for personal transformation. This mindset has created a barrier for me, as I struggle to find clients willing to pay for anything other than superficial comfort. These days, the thought frequently crosses my mind that I am wasting my time and nobody wants to hear what I have to say.
However, I believe that there are individuals out there who yearn for more than just validation. They are seeking honest guidance and support in their journey towards self-acceptance and growth. Despite the prevailing mindset, I am determined to stay true to my values and find innovative ways to bridge the gap between comfort and genuine personal development. By offering my unique perspective and creating opportunities for deeper exploration, I hope to connect with those who are ready to embrace the transformative power of honesty and growth.
Am I wrong? Where are you all? I don’t want an empire, I just want to help. Help for real!!!! Not lie, manipulate, or cheat for profit.
There are so many others who get support or funding, but I can't help but feel invisible... Sorry, I acknowledge that my bitterness is showing.
I won't sell out, but I am coming to the understanding that people can't tell the difference anymore between a "sellout" and someone being honest and authentic, if we ever could tell the difference to begin with.
Bottom line, my rent went up today and I’m struggling. I put out soooooo much free content, and it’s never going to be enough for a miracle because nobody is watching and nobody cares about me, and I realize now that might be my problem. People want free things but have no respect for it. Just a bunch of takers.
I’m not going to share this post today anywhere on social media because my heart aches so much today. If you’ve read it, then you can come to my website, and I’m grateful.
Sorry if this bummed anyone out, but honestly, I do not believe anyone will read this or respond to it.
That’s it for today. I’m going to go clean something and try not to wonder how I’m going to pay rent next month and eat.
huge thank you to my 1 patreon supporter for her continued faith and support. I appreciate you. And thank you Mr. Chappelle for being a role model and an example of a human with empathy and integrity in these crazy times.
Stay Mindful.
InteGritti.
