My 7 Daily Affirmations

It’s okay if people don’t like me.

No matter what you do. 

No matter how close you come to becoming the best version of yourself. 

There will always be people who don’t like you, don’t vibe with you.

Nobody has ever attained the title “Universally Liked” by all human beings.

It’s okay, accept it.

Nothing to say, that’s okay.

Empty air in a conversation can be awkward, and my habit has been to fill that uncomfortable silence with more conversation. 

It took me a long time to realize that the “uncomfortable” part of the silence might be subjective.

Meaning I might the only one who is uncomfortable in those silences and I’m projecting that everyone else is as uncomfortable as I am. 

In fact, many people are more comfortable in the silence. 

Now when I find myself confronted by a dreaded lull in the conversation, I remind myself “Nothing to say? That’s okay!” then I can focus on why it feels so uncomfortable for me and learn to get a handle on my disadvantageous, trauma conditioned, and fallacious mindsets. 

 Choose progress over perfection.

Perfection is a concept, an idea.

It’s a direction we reach for and as we do, we progress bit by bit and grow as human beings. 

Perfection is a direction, not a destination.

If you are getting better than you were, then you’re doing it right.

 There is no law if fairness.

Like perfection, fairness is an idea. 

Fairness is a human made concept speaking to our inherent appreciation for reciprocity as social animals. 

Fairness isn’t a given, it isn’t a right, and that means none of us are entitled to it. 

For things to “feel fair” people have to protect it and maintain it. 

The world is indifferent to your life’s positives or negatives because is doesn’t separate the two as humans do. 

We don’t deserve things to be fair, but we can we agree and make them fair, and if someone doesn’t agree then we can choose not to engage further with them. 

Walk more than you talk.

These days people talk a lot, and I mean most people talk more than they do anything else. Bragging, Promoting, Complaining, and so on are all examples of talking. 

You don’t need to do any of them to actually do things. 

If you are a good song writer then write songs and let you work speak for you. 

If you are in good shape and enjoy working out then good for you keep going. 

If you great with numbers, great at “reading” people, great at cooking, hunting, driving, photography, sex, WHATEVER, then let your work speak for itself. 

Basically, if you keep busy walking, getting stuff done, then you don’t feel compelled to talk about it as much. 

What’s point of telling people what you can do when you can do it, and show them.        

Humble Bragging is still bragging. 

If you know it, own it. 

Speaking aloud doesn’t make it more true.

Appreciate the little things     

It is so flipping easy to focus on the negatives. I overslept, it’s raining, the bread has mold, I’m out of beer, I haven’t gone to the gym in a week.

Mom/Dad doesn’t approve of my lifestyle, sexuality, profession, etc.

Still every day things go well too. We just don’t tend to notice when things are going well because we aren’t fighting uncomfortable feelings.

If we get up on time and get the coffee brewing, win

If we get to the gym, win

If we get the report in on time, win

If we chose to live our lives following our passion and being confident in who we are and who we love no matter what our parents think, win.

The last one isn’t little, but appreciating the little things has led to seeing the bigger things worth appreciating in my life. 

 Nobody can make me feel anything, they can only inspire me to feel things.

My feelings are mine. 

My thoughts are mine. 

Other people’s feelings are theirs. 

Other people’s thoughts are theirs. 

If someone shares one of their thoughts with me, I am under no obligation to adopt it as one of mine, Period. I choose. 

Others can convince, inspire, terrorize, and manipulate me to change my mind, but I always retain the power of my own free will. 

My feelings are my reactions to the thoughts that come into my mind. 

Some of those thoughts are mine, some are offered to me by others, and other thoughts come from who know where? 

So, when I feel something, its coming from within me. Its not being put there by someone or something outside of me. 

My feelings are mine, and my responsibility. 

Its more liberating than you might think. 

Some final thoughts

I ask you to remember that I’m sharing tools that work for me, and I’m am in no way forcing or presuming to tell you what you should or shouldn’t do. I don’t like when others “should” me without consent anymore than anyone else. These affirmations are part of my personally calibrated mental health process, and I know they work for me. These mindsets have helped me stay grounded throughout the process of learning to love myself. I like to say, for the first time in my life, I finally like myself. I have faith that these tools will continue to keep me grounded, and one day, maybe soon than I can even imagine (probably not) I will get to place of mental resiliency and emotional self-regulation. On that day I’ll be able to genuinely say I love myself…maybe. 

So that is why I’m sharing this with you. Whoever you are, where ever you are I hope you find mental resiliency and emotional self-regulation as well. I also acknowledge that you may resonate with different mindsets than these, so add these to your mental database if, and only if, they resonate with you. The affirmations that don’t resonate, speak to our different journeys and challenges in life, but they don’t make us at odds. 

Sending support to everyone out there taking responsibility and doing the shadow work, going to therapy, getting involved in support group, and most importantly not giving up. 

Thank you for reading, and I hope to hear some of your favorite affirmations as well.

Stay Mindful

InteGritti Design MeaniNgs

Every product in my store is designed to help increase mindfulness and therefore for positive growth in our society

Honest Human - I don’t like lying. As a human I understand that being honest isn’t always easy or even wise. However, being mindfully honest takes practice, and I am setting the intention to be more mindful about honesty both from others and to myself.

On My Honor - I am setting the intention and announcing that I will act with integrity, and do what is right to the best of my ability. More importantly I will do this even when nobody is watching. I don’t do it for attention, praise, or gain.

Reflect - the heart of mindfulness is reflection. Taking the time to consider, or review. I set the intention to be more mindful by taking more time to reflect before I respond. It is mindfulness through reflection that saves us from reacting from a place of pain instead of responding from a grounded sense of self.

Breathe - one of the simplest and most effective ways to regain balance is to bring our awareness back to the breath. To breathe mindfully is a fundamental tool on the path of integrity.

NEW AND COMING SOON - SERIES TWO

Yell=Chip - this one might not be for everyone. I have found in my life that more often than not when I get heated and begin to yell the heart of my problem is the chip on my shoulder. The trauma induced trigger that caused me to forget myself, and become angry. This one is me setting the intention to be mindful of when I’m yelling and to check myself to see if it’s due to a “me” problem or not before responding.

Won’t Fake - I am not a big fan of the fake it till you make it mindset, and I know that’s an unpopular opinion. However, I prefer to be authentic and genuine and remain unnoticed than to be disingenuous to gain attention. I won’t fake it till I make it. I will simply continue to walk with integrity

Stay Mindful

exiting The thought stream

Exiting the thought stream

Calming the mind during meditation is very similar to swimming in the ocean. The more you move the more you turn up the water around you, and if you can become as motionless as possible, you still exist in motion of the ocean.

When we begin to meditate, we do things like sit still, close our eyes, focus on our breath, and we often do this in a quiet location. Every kind of stimulus we can remove, is like slowing the motion of one of our limbs while swimming.

When we close our eyes and cut ourselves off from visual stimuli, it is the equivalent of us slowing our kicking legs while swimming in the ocean. Or like closing windows on your desktop, computer or apps on your phone. It allows the processor which in the case of meditation is your mind to have less to compute. It frees up space.

If this still isn’t making sense, I’ll try another metaphor.

This one might be more taboo or gross so consider yourself warned, but hopefully if you haven’t gotten the point, this will help.

Imagine you’ve just taking a dump, or a poop. In that toilet bowl exists water and your doodoo. You know that when you flush the toilet water will churn up and spiral with all of the poo and go down the drain. You also know that as long as everything is functioning correctly, all you have to do is wait a little while and the bowl will refill with doodoo-free water.

you also know that before you can get rid of the Poo, you’ve got a stir up the water. Which is why when we sit down to meditate we tell you not to fight the swirling and chaotic storm of thoughts, but to try to relax and allow it to settle on its own. It’s the effort you take to stop thinking that keeps you mentally kicking in the swirling thought stream.

A properly executed meditation session is the equivalent, to flushing your toxic thoughts and beliefs, and hangups, and so on. What I call mental poo.

By the way, if any of this has in some way, upset or offended you, I invite you to recognize that you might have some poo to release too.

Stay Mindful

The Deserve Mindset

Many Me’s allow for different perspectives

You deserve a break. We deserve to be heard. They don’t deserve to be mocked. I deserve happiness. People deserve to feel loved.

I’ve said, and meant, everyone of those “deserve” statements. As a thinking feeling human being it appeals to my sense of justice, morality, and basic human needs. People do need breaks, and to be heard, and to be treated respectfully, and people need times of happiness, and to love and be loved. Ultimately to live a life of purpose and fulfillment.

Or do they?…I’ll come back to that in a later post.

The point here is we need things, and the needing doesn’t grant us entitlement to our needs. I need to give my love and receive love to experience the profound emotional and psychological interchange of healthy pair bonding. We cannot ignore our primate mammalian biology. We are social animals with consciousness, and we are still exploring what that means.

A dog requires many of the things listed above and much more to live a life we’d label “well lived”. Does every dog deserve those things? A tree needs sunlight, fertile soil, and carbon dioxide to grow. Does a tree deserve those things? Let’s shift perspective a bit again and look at a business. Businesses need capital, organization, time, dedication, and so on to succeed. If Any one of those factors don’t measure up the business may fail, but does it deserve what it needs? Does a business deserve to succeed? Does a human deserve the air they breathe? Need does not equal deserve.

The difference need and deserve isn’t a matter of opinion or perspective. One is a truth and one is an opinion. I trust you dear reader can tell the difference.

What does a human being need to survive? What does a planet need to survive? Does our planet need us? Doesn’t seem like it to me but I’m not a scientist. I am a passionate explorer of the mind body connection, and mindfulness advocate. Do I deserve to be listened to? Would I deserve to be listened to were I to have a PhD, or a signed letter of recommendation from a politician, or individual of note? The answer is no.

No matter what I do, or say, or learn, or discover I will never objectively deserve to be heard. I write this because, much like you I imagine, I feel the need to be heard. I feel passionate about sharing my perspective and helping others feel more comfortable with their stories. I hope I am heard, but I acknowledge that I don’t deserve it.

Entitlement can grow from almost any belief.

Be grateful for the air you breathe because you don’t deserve it.

Stay Mindful